Real change is the answer. That is why we here at Heavy Street are backing Abbath as the next presidential candidate. Enough of this partisan politics, we need a leader who can stand up for what is right. These are the laws I hope are passed under Abbath’s administration:
- Ban on taking off your shirt in the mosh pit. I don’t need some sweaty, hairy dude rubbing next to me all night.
- Ban on yelling out the band you are about to see in the ticket holders line before the doors open. Yes, I know what band I’m here to check out. You dont have to remind me by screaming it in my ear.
- Making bands carry more medium sized shirts at the merch booth, and less of the xtra large. Haven’t bands learned they can make more money by carrying just the mediums. When was the last time you went to a show, and saw a “sold out” sign on the xtra larges? I rest my case.
- Making bands do quicker change overs between sets. Cause no one wants to see a guitarist do a fourty minute sound check.
- Banning anyone from the bar who has gingivitis. I dont mind a drunk metalhead getting up in my face telling me how much he likes my Bolt Thrower tshirt, but I just cant handle the stench coming out of his / her mouth.
- Ban on any musician that says “make it quick” when a fan politely asks for a photo. Cause you’re lucky to not have to shovel shit, ask someone if they want fries with that, or work in an office, so be happy that anyone wants to take your photo.
- Bringing the troops home, and sending scalpers to fight the war in the middle east instead.
- Baning PDA at shows. I don’t need to see some douche bags making out in front of me while Cannibal Corpse is playing “Rotten Body Landslide”. It takes away from the mood of the song.