I call this rambunctious bunch the “Winter Storm Gods”. The shirtless guy holding the sword calls the shots around these frost bitten parts.
Sad news to report. Guitarist/vocalist Nergal of Poland’s mighty BEHEMOTH has confirmed that he is suffering from life-threatening leukemia. This totally sucks, but I’m hoping the brother gets through this one way or another. I have seen Behemoth twice in Vancouver, and both times had a chance to chat with the bloke, and found him to be nothing but a cool, down to earth person. Watching Nergal perform is another thing all together, as he has this totally menacing, and evil aura about him on stage. A true metal warrior if there ever was one.
Behemoth are a band that cannot be defined in one specific genre. They are all over the place. Call em Death Metal, Black Metal, but don’t call em late to the party. This band annihilates live, and takes no prisoners. All hail the dark lords Behemoth!
When these two douche bags aren’t making people pay large sums of money to see them at local cheesy night clubs, they can be seen interviewing underground grindcore, and black metal bands. This one was taken backstage at a Bestial Mockery show. They were waiting for Warslaughter to give them just two minutes of his time.
With Christmas only seven months away, Heavystreet has the best stocking stuffer suggestion for your dark hearted loved ones. This black metal Barack Obama doll is perfect for any left leaning black metal fan who wants change.
Black metal fans are seen in a blasphemous light, ever since Varg Vikernes dished out some anti-immigrant quotes in the media 17 years ago, everyone thinks these fine Burzum loving lads are all right wing radicals. Not at all, as after a long day practicing the dark arts, many black metal fans come home, put their slippers on, turn the channel to CNN, and pray to their dark lord that the health care bill gets passed through (praying to the dark one got some of the bill passed!).
See, when a black metal musician goes into the cold, freezing forest to do the photo shoot for the album cover shot, and ends up getting frost bite, or hypothermia, who foots the bill? Presently, its the black metal musician, but with Obama’s administration things could change, and the black metal fans would reap the rewards, as their would be more album cover shots of black metal bands posing in icy cold forests. Winter never felt so good!!
So, what I’m trying to say, is that next time you see some one on the street pass you by with corpse paint on their face, wearing a Bestial Warlust long sleeve shirt , please don’t be so quick to judge. Not all of these fine samaritans are right wing nuts, and this doll would be the perfect present for them.
Times are tough all over these days. Especially if you’re a black metal band from India. These boys didn’t have any money for corpse paint, so instead they decided to head over to the nearest graveyard, and do their intimidating black metal poses in front of a Jesus statue.
I’m assuming the guy in the middle with his arms crossed is the leader of the band. He looks the most menacing, and blasphemous out of them all. These guys make Immortal look like girl scouts.
I was eating a bowl of organic low fat yogurt with fresh blueberries, when I popped in this CD. My ears were not prepared for the blasphemous sounds coming out of the speakers. This is mid-80′s Bathory on a whole other level folks. Raw, and dirty, just the way your humble narrator likes his black metal. These fine lads also get an extra point for creating one of the most unreadable band logos in metal.
It’s been known since last year that Nicholas Cage’s son Weston “Arcane” Cage has a black metal band called Eyes Of Nocturne. What I really wanna know is how dad deals with the decibel levels, when Arcane blasts those blasphemous sounds from his room. Maybe it goes a lil’ like this:
Nicholas Cage: “Son turn that shit down!!!”
Arcane: “Dad, this isn’t shit, this is the new Carpathian Forest full length album that just came out!”
Nicholas Cage: “I don’t give a shit. I gotta memorise the lines to this stupid, ridiculous script for Bangkok Dangerous, and I need some quiet”
Arcane: “OK, dad. I’ll turn it down, just for you”
Nicholas Cage: “Thanks son. I’ll tell you what, let me finish these lines and I’ll take you to Dairy Queen for some Oreo Blizzards”
Arcane: “Cool Dad! Maybe we can eat the Blizzards while listening to Immortal’s Blizzard Beasts”
Nicholas Cage: “Shut up son.”
If you’re gonna be all evil, at least go pose in a forest instead of taking the picture in front of your parents house in the upper west side:
Now this is more like it:
And for those of you young couples expecting a mini satan soon, may I recomend this crib:
And the family portrait that will hang above the oak television set:
Man this one hit me like a brick when I first heard it. This is one of the most blasphemous, evil, vile, old school black metal records I have heard in a long time. There is an eerie, haunting vibe through the whole thirty minutes of this record that never washes away from you.
If you haven’t been converted yet to the morbid, eerie, haunting, yet sexy power of all that is Gallhammer, then you are truly missing out. Gallhammer is a Japanese all female three piece that consists of Vivian Slaughter on vocals & bass, Mika Penetrator on Guitar, and Risa Reaper on drums. Together they make a beautiful wall of dark ambient noise that drones, and sloths its way through in a wicked manner.
These girls basically bow to the alter of all that is Hellhammer and Morbid Tales era Celtic Frost with the rest of us Tom G Warrior droogs. It’s dirty, raw mid eighties rock as f**k black metal at its finest mates. They have two solid full length albums out, the dark and sinister Gloomy Lights from 2004 & the more gentle yet brooding and deceptive Ill Innocence from 2007, I highly recommend checking both of them out.
I recently heard Gallhammer is playing three shows in Tokyo Japan on April 19th, May 6th, and June 28th. Man I would love to see this evil incarnate threesome live soon, and am hoping after they do this quick Japanese jaunt, Gallhammer will actually do a full North American tour this year.
